What a day so far. Oy vey. I (was) volunteered to my help Mom in her classroom as they made edible state maps out of graham crackers and candy. I learned two things. One, confectioners items aren't meant for cartography. Seriously, some of these kids don't know where major bodies of water are located. Bodies of water that are visible from space! No wonder kids are always getting lost in the woods- most of them can't find their arses with both hands. Two, kids really do say the darndest things. And they say them all at once, all together, as loud as possible. The sound in that classroom makes a System of a Down concert sound like Barry Manilow live in a coma ward. They're like cicadas with miniature clothes on. If I ever have kids (through a state clerical error) I'm painting a big sign above their cribs before they can even read: "Don't be a jackass." They'll figure it out. I'll say things like "have a nice day at school, don't be a jackass" and "I love your drawing of that ninja killing all those record executives. Thank you for not being a jackass today." Okay, it might not be that bad, but I'll be wary- that's for sure.

I also found this amusing from fark: Mountain Dew Death Calculator