"And you will know them by the ticking of their biological clocks." I loosely paraphrase Stephen Crane here based on conversations I've had recently about post-collegiate women in Indiana. It seems that at a certain age, salary is blood in the water. So I'm told. Details are sketchy, but apparently I'm a blip on the radar as an available 20-something. I really only know what Chris Rock has described of this phenomena, where married women match up their single friends with a suitable pair of chromosomes so they can do "couple activities." This doesn't fit with my plan to die very old and alone surrounded by a lifetime of comic books and game controllers, but I'm flexible. To that end, ladies, here are some talking points (with parenthetical clarifications) for making your case while playing Yente. When I am required to be involved with the process, I'll press pause.

"He's a really good guy." (no we haven't, and no, not with a ten-foot pole, sister)
"He's tall." (he's a gangly fellow, but he can carry a larger armload of stuff than most)
"A really good listener." (finally you have someone to whine to when I'm busy with my own married life)
"Independent." (the long hair and beard make him look like a roadie)
"A lifelong academic spirit." (he still won't finish his master's degree)
"An impressive and diverse array of hobbies." (boxes and boxes of nerdy crap that he'll never part with)
"A music lover." (loud nihilistic bands you'd rather not ever have to hear and alternative radio hits from when you were in middle school)
"He's very practical." (he thinks his guitar amp works as an end table, and he's cheap, too)
"He values lifelong friendships." (he'd rather hang out with his obnoxious buddies watching cartoons- pass the chips)
"You'll really like him!" (you'd better settle now, or you'll be paying your kid's college out of your retirement money)